Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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