remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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