I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
