Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
