i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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