he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
