i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
