I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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