I wish my penis had an off switch
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
