Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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