According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
