ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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