I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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