Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm at about main and main street
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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