i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
