I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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