guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
