After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
