do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
