Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
