Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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