NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
