I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
