meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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