That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
