Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
