Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
