It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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