bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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