Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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