im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude i'm inner monologue high
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm too high and old for this...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
