I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
