you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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