My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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