hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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