I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
