drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
