One girl and one boy is just not enough.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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