The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
