You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
