just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
