Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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