That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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