do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Randomize
