This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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