His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I need water and some morals
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
