you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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