Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
