remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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