So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
