All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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