fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
