I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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